Saturday morning. 6:54 am.

Out the door to breathe some air at 7000' and climb some rocks.

There are a million reasons why I love living in Southern California. This is one of them. Yesterday was another one. Oh the Hollywood Bowl.

p.s. No, I've never seen a nun in real life before yesterday.

"A forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating."

Yes, I know I'm repeating the title. It just seemed SO appropriate given today.

Recent firsts:
-projecting sloper problems.
-saying "we should hang out" to the really cute high school couple who ended up making out through the entire movie.
-karaoking Whitney Houston's "I will always love you". So sorry.
-creating a title for the 2am journal... that implies more visits, but they are actually quite therapeutic.
-being the girl who the friend's husband's old college roommate would be great with so they should get set up... that's him, the second from the right.

"A forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating."

Oh, the joys of BFF heartbreak continue. Their loss; our necessarily imposed distance. It really all will be ok. Besides, how much more time do you have now for [check all that apply]:

[] friends
[] family
[] roommates/ex-roommates
[] work
[] career planning
[] leisure reading
[] going to the gym
[] climbing
[] cooking
[] cleaning
[] catching up on museum exhibits
[] beach
[] morning swims
[] painting
[] bargain shopping
[] self reflection
[] helping a friend engage in self-discovery
[] being that shoulder to cry on because, let's be honest, misery loves company

So what if those date invitations seem uninviting. Or those semi-almost relationships (with guys of non-disclosable age) disappear as quickly as they fell into your lap. We wouldn't have it any other way. No matter how superficially uppity those who have it the other way seem to carry on.

------
Waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over...
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
Can't find a better man (2x)
Ohh...

Talkin' to herself, there's no one else who needs to know...
She tells herself, oh...
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along...
Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone
She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
She lies and says she still loves him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
Can't find a better man (2x)
Yeah...

She loved him, yeah...she don't want to leave this way
She needs him, yeah...that's why she'll be back again
Can't find a better man (3x)
Can't find a better...man...
Ohh...ohh...
Uh huh... (5x)
Ohh...

Added text

3. Lying

An example from Alex:
A woman does not come home to her boyfriend one night. The boyfriend calls five of her closest friends. All five of them say sorry, they don't know where she is.
A man does not come home to his girlfriend one night. The girlfriend calls five of his closest friends. Three of them say he's over now; two of them say he just left.

Girls can even climb better than boys.

Tonight was a new climbing milestone. Yes, I finished that V4 traverse no sweat, but it should really be downgraded because it wasn't that hard. And yes, I've tried working V4 or two before, unsuccessfully, but hey, I tried.

Tonight was way better than all of that. I worked a V4 with "the guys". The ones who are so good I don't know their names because I've never spent this much time with them. It was a V4 that even Tad had to work through a number of times, with a move that he claims was harder than the white route next to it (though it was a crimpfest, so I won't rub it in too hard)... It just felt really good to be making solid progress on a climb that Tad found pretty difficult.

Now if only Stacy and I could go to the right bars once in awhile.

The difference between boys and girls, vol. 1 (first draft)

These are stark generalizations. If you are a member of alleged boy v. girl categories and feel the description is highly misrepresentative of the group, please comment. If the description merely does not describe YOU, then you're just that cool and can't be put into cookie cutter category. Feel free to edit/add.

1. Planning
Girls like to plan. Boy's don't. Sure there's the wayward evening that boys like to conjure up and buy some beer for in advance, but for day to day events, they generally don't like to plan. And don't think it's necessary. Girls like to hang out and have planning meetings over coffee. Girls send emails organizing their social schedule for the week to make sure they're on the same page and to sort out any time conflicts. Girls like to organize their schedule for the day in their head, so that they get home from kickboxing in time for a shower and blowdry, and so they arrive ON TIME to wherever they're going. Girls like to round up the crew up to ten minutes before the necessary departure time to arrive somewhere ON TIME so that last minute running upstairs, shoe tying, and which car are we taking can be taken care of. Girls like to think about who's going to ride in which car with whom, so that no one feels left out or uncomfortable. Girls think about multiple upcoming social events so they can plan their outfits accordingly. Boys find it unnecessary to waste any precious cognitive resources on these issues.

2. Eating
No, this isn't a boys eat and girls don't. Everyone eats, and everyone should eat. It's HOW they eat. Perhaps this should be embedded within the planning section. Girls like to eat on a schedule. It's more than liking to eat on a schedule... girls NEED to eat on a schedule. And when I say NEED, I mean we'll get a bad headache, nausea, and low tolerence for anything remotely irritating if we don't get our three balanced meals a day. That means, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Or on sleeping-in weekend mornings, brunch and dinner. And when I say brunch, I don't mean 4pm. And when I say breakfast, I don't mean 4pm. This doesn't mean that girls necessarily eat more than boys. Boys don't deal with breakfast and could go the entire day without eating. Only to break that day of fasting with an enormous helping of [Carl's 6-dollar burger/grilled steak/block of cheese].

3. Lying
There are some situations in which lying is necessary, and it could be argued that it is a constructive way of handling the situation. I am not talking about these situations. Outside of that, boys lie. Girls don't. Girls don't think it's worth it to lie because it leads into crazed spirals of deception unnecessarily. Boys don't like the guilt or crazed spirals either, but they still lie. And because girls don't lie and boys do, girls give other people (especially girls) the benefit of the doubt in not lying. Boys don't. They wouldn't put it past anyone to fabricate a detailed story to lie when the lie is unecessary.

to be continued.

AIM's new emoticon.

The sarcasm icon. Don't know what it would look like. But don't you think it's utterly necessary to avoid all of those irritable IM misunderstandings?

Or is it just that my comments are so utterly drenched with sarcasm that I find it necessary...

Rollercoaster. Like the insanely fast, blackout inducing, Six Flags kinds.

Yes, life is one rollercoaster. And unfortunately, as much as we'd all like to wait at the exit carrying everyone's purses and water bottles and making small talk with the moms, you just can't sit this one out.

So you run with the ups and downs. And some days it's easier to deal with them. And some days you think you make a sh*tload of progress, only to have that progress derailed by the wayward phone call (or IM for the truly non-confrontational types).

On a happier note, I reread an essay I wrote sophomore year of high school. I was pretty darn funny.

kiss big kiss little hug big kiss little kiss

Happy Birthday Matt (and Jeannette... was that her name?).

Travel is life.

'Tis the season... for unsuspecting emotional outbursts

Really, they sneak up on you like none other, show themselves, and make you think, "Dear god, I must be insane because there's absolutely no reason for me to be breaking down and sobbing hysterically like this."

I mean, yes, there IS a reason. There are lots of reasons. So why are we (by we, I really do mean I, but I'm thinking there are way more of us out there because apparently I wasn't alone in my sobbing hysteria last night) so far from emotional health that we can't work through those reasons in a reasonable fashion, but instead can just go on through the days at a generally upbeat pace that is rudely interrupted by the intense breakdown that really came out of nowhere. And then there you are, at two in the morning, feeling like you're back at square one. And boy does square one suck.

I guess the upside to all of this is that there IS an upside. Once you've worked through your lowest of lows, once you've cucumbered out those puffy eyelids and popped a couple of vitamin I's and shared some Big Chill, things don't seem so bad. The emotions that had been weighing you down in both your waking and sleeping states have been released.

At least for now. Until they sneak up on you again. Ugh.

Scott? Is that short for Scotty?

So what makes a person a good writer? I guess it's a combination of clarity of communication and an artful manipulation of the way those words are communicated. And of course there has to be substance behind the words.

But when it comes down to it, it's so much more than just the combination of those things. It's your voice coming through and the connection that voice makes with your reader. So you're a good writer for the same reason you are a friend, a sister, a daughter, a bff-- you simply connect.

I had an insane writing burst late last night (I mean late). I'm not quite vulnerable enough to post it here, but it is meant to be shared in some forum.

Hey look. I have titles now!

-I'll take "famous titties" for 200, Alex.
-That's "titles", Mr. Connery. TITLES.
-Not a fan of the ladies, are ya Trebek?

Sibling relationships are interesting. Even when you consider yourself a youngest/only child, there is something to be said about the common history that comes with family. After all, it is common experience that brings us together and provides the foundation for connection.

I think that's what struck me most about this Active Arts program that Stacy and I are volunteering with. Providing a forum for both creative expression as well as potential connections with those you generally wouldn't cross paths with is what it's all about. And I'm glad to be part of it. So y'all are going to hear about all of the upcoming events, whether you like it or not. But don't worry, you'll like it.

does this email business actually work?

Melissa: i think we have all learned the lesson of pretending everything is perfect
Melissa: that just comes back to bite you in the ass

Here's a question:
(no not "Can the Family Guy characters understand Stewie?")
Can karma be transferred? Like if I'm guilty of using the "timeline" line, and it hasn't been used back on me, but it's been used on my loved ones, is it my fault?

I love the essence of bff-ness.

Thursday is the new Friday. it just is... ask anyone who goes out Thursday night... and how many of your friends don't cop out early Friday night?
Wednesday is the new Thursday. we have this thing called Thirsty Thursday after climbing... Lauren moved it to Wed.
Monday is the new Tuesday. let's be honest, who likes Monday? let's just call it Tuesday

therefore, today is Tuesday. tomorrow is hump day. then it's Friday. WOO.

some words to live by:

How to get over your first love

ps. I SWEAR mell wrote this.

climbing was ABSOLUTELY amazing. please, oh please, step away from the computer, and go outside. just outside. doesn't have to be all the way up to the mountains. or all the way to the ocean. but those are great things to head toward. because how could you go wrong with either of them?

there's something to be said about:
-crisp air at 7,000 ft.
-clean leading "full value" 10b's
-solid group dynamics
-witty plays on words
-foodies
-crag cred

scintillating (adj.)
1. sparkling or shining brightly
2. brilliantly and excitingly clever and skillful: the audience loved his scintillating wit.

titillate (verb [trans])
1. stimulate or excite (someone), esp. in a sexual way: these journalists are paid to titillate the public. [as adj.] she let slip tintillating details about her clients

I've definately combined the definitions of THOSE two words in my head. good thing that was cleared up among friends.

p.s. Sclub, Sam.

Blog template revamp. I wanted more colors. Not quite sure about THESE colors... but I like the change.

-You know, I've never hooked up with an ex before.
-Well, there's a first time for everything. Just putting that out there.
-Yeah... that's not gonna happen.

Let's just put THAT out there.

And can I say that I had a GREAT day? Country Market and Cafe, Will Rogers, the Island Bar, and Wario Ware. wow.

Me: well then we're all set. I'll bring the beer.
Jason: i was thinking about bringing the cooler with some beers in it for afterwards... i guess we think alike
me: I'd say that great minds think alike, but really, it's just that great minds think about beer
Jason: too true!
Sent at 11:22 AM on Friday

Can't think... mind in the mountains already... must focus just a tad longer...

Being proactive and seeking out those "where have they been all my life?" moments.

Tomorrow:
An extended engagement with JayDee followed by a hot date (patio lunch + Santa Monica Mountain hike). Leah rocks.

Time to rest up.

I've actually had quite the productive week (Thursday to Thursday). All it took was a couple of presentations to get my butt into action. It feels good to actually feel like I've completed SOMETHING. Geez this career is weird.

Pearls of wisdom from Mell: "Life is weird and sucks ass" Say it sister!

Even with that lamentation, things have seemed a little more up lately. Maybe I'm just realizing how much crap everyone else is going through and how that crap is way worse than whatever I consider my crap to be. Oh the relativistic nature of depression.

I talked to the ocean today. Even under the thick June Gloom umberella, I still love and never want to give up living so close to the beach. I hope my life path veers only temporarily away from the water.

"The game starts at 6"
what sport is in season these days?

ps. there are FOUR (count them, FOUR) cold Sapporo mega cans in my fridge.

Fred Erickson rocks.

Today was the last class and it definitely ended on a great note. Seeing the fruits of people's labor was pretty amazing.

1. The white board as an actor.
2. Culture shock in Iowa.
3. I love my HAIR.
4. Hegemony and counterhegemony. In a conversation between 5 year olds.
5. Calling for attention from the cute cousin.
6. The song and dance of a teacher.
7. Support... support... support... development!... support...
8. My son, do NO:::::T... despi:::::se.

It's awesome to see people get SO EXCITED about their own work.

True passion is inspiration.

Transcribe to your heart's desire.

And then hours past it.

But please, take the time to stretch the extent of those synaptic firings. Push Baddeley to the limits. As well as those stupid Logic Puzzles publishers.

And take some words of wisdom to heart about the difference between boys and girls and why relationships will always be work. From none less than a single Canadian.

(I used to follow rules of grammar and punctuation. Perhaps I just like to have my sentences be as fragmented as my train of thought)

"I've been brooding all morning." A response to: "Are you going to go home and brood now?"

Task: to blog about The Break-Up (warning: ending spoiler.)
I love Vince Vaughn. Jennifer Aniston had some great outfits. The art connoisseur was HOT. Who's going to decorate my condo? And will the two glitter ladies to the right just shut the hell up? This isn't Mystery Science Theater 3000.

I actually thought the movie was quite realistic. I went in (BFF recommended) but was semi-hesitant (Rotten Tomatoes 33%) and walked out thinking, hey, Hollywood didn't do so bad of a job when it comes down to the nitty gritty. I mean, we've all had to nag, we've all definitely felt completely unappreciated, we've all spouted the same argument with the same "well you didn't say it that way" response and the same "well I didn't think it would even matter" feeling... and we've all needed just one thing (one friend, one comment) to make us realize where we've been so wrong, and at the end of the day, no matter how much you care about the person, sometimes it's a "we really should catch up sometime" rather than a "happily ever after" kind of an ending. What's frightening is thinking that "happily ever after" ending just isn't written into your life path... or what's even more frightening is realizing that it could have been but you just didn't know how to follow it.



P.S. Whoever I was having the convo with about passive aggressiveness... you'll get it.

profiling people is dangerous if they don't have self-discovery.
okay tiger, one at at time.

Mell is so smart. Google needs to stop working her on whatever they work her on and just fund her novel. Trust me, that's how to change the world.

As much as I love Audrey Tautou and Tom Hanks, I really shouldn't even try going to the movies anymore. Even if I did jump a mile (along with the rest of the theater) when Silas jumps out of the shadows at that old English guy's chateau.

So, apparently, Stacy and I had some margaritas with Ian M-something, the dude that discovered the White Stripes. We were all sharing a table at Cabo (me, stace, Ian, Ian's fiance, and Ian's fiance's coworker) and half chatting it up, half avoiding the coworker, half girl-talking, and it came up that Ian was in the music industry. It was later that Tony identified that this dude is, in fact, big in the business, and was Jack White's best man at his wedding. CRAZY huh?

P.S. I had an obnoxiously girly girl moment earlier today. I apologize for all those in the line of fire (within earshot).

Misery loves company.

I'm not exactly one for words, but if you ever need someone to sit on the phone w/ you and repeat "yes life sucks, it's all crap, all that stuff is crap too", then I'm your girl.

So the Bible (aka SATC) claims that it takes half the amount of time that you're in a relationship to get over it. ("That is, unless, he tries to make you do butt sex, in which case it's a day and a half." -D.R.)

Mell brought up an interesting point. Are you multiplying or dividing by half? (asks the grade 5 math teacher). So for her, it's double, at least until you're actually ready to be in a new relationship. That brings me to September 2008 baby. Watch out boys!

In the end, so many people go through life without ever experiencing IT, and ultimately that's more sad than the pain and the shattering.